This is the welcoming activity theme for Inter-Varsity Christian Centre UTM (the church I joined in UTM). I can’t remember the theme meaning as the long definition that defined by the committee. But, I have my own interpretation here. Hope it’s not much different from the original interpretation from committee.
“Seek” is the common action that most of us doing in university life. Seeking for knowledge, friends, career path, love, money… What I understand about the word “seek” is quite direct and simple, but the phrase “what if” left a lot of imagination to me.
For me, I have 2 situations that I’ll feel uncertain if I face either of these situations. First situation is when I found everything that I’m seeking. The second situation is when I lost everything I have. The first situation is not applicable to me, but the second situation is quite relevant to my situation now.
I’m from non-Christian family and converted to a Christian in the Christmas baptism of year 2006 in Madras Lane Chinese Methodist Church. My ex-girlfriend is the one who brought me to Christ. Eventually, we broke up the 2 years realationship in one month time after I baptized. This will be a biggest lie from me if I tell you that the broke up doesn’t affect my faith.
Once I taught that she was my angel in my life, but she become a devil come into my nightmare at the end. Now, she became a totally stranger to me. I tried hard to forget about her, I let myself to become busy to forget about her, I even seldom back to places visited by us before, just to forget about her. Now, she became nothing to me, no longer affecting my emotion. But, I have price to pay for this 2 years period.
I denied some precious moment with friends when making myself busy. My best friend advice me that I have to manage relationship well, everyone need somebody to support them from behind when doing things. Besides that, I also lost my faith to God while I denying the opportunities to serve in church. In most of the cell group activity, we shared our thanksgiving to God within the week. Sometimes, I feel that I have nothing to say for thanksgiving… This is a symptom for a Christian to end up in hell.
After baptized, I’m not a holy Christian, also not faithful, not humble, and a sinful Christian. Generally, I found myself have no different from non-Christian. Sometimes, I even become unsure when my friends tell me that people will not die because of no religion. But, what is the purpose you live if you believe in nothing? I think this is some kind of curse to me within the period.
Undergo life without direction in 2 years time, I found that I have not much improvement, I even lost my self confidence. Now, I changed my lifestyle to become more passive. Especially in this 2 months time, I become more cool to friends and taking a passive role in anything. I’m lost between my principle and friends, not sure that I should lose my friend or my principle, feeling hard to keep it both. In short, I’m lost in my life…
I’m still seeking for the purpose of my life that I lost just before I enter university. I think I have a model life for youth before I enter university. Working part time in a pharmacy, joined a non-governmental organization, served in church as Sunday school teacher, consulting a club in my secondary school, good relationship with school mates, also have a lovely girlfriend. I think I have my purpose of life during that time… But now, all this disappear from me.
What am I now? I not sure that the role that I should play now… On coming weekend, is IVCC welcoming camp. This will be the very first time for me to participate my church’s welcoming camp. Hope to found what I’m seeking there…
Written on 12 July 2009
