错

错了，不知道，是无知。错了，不承认，是执著。错了，还在犯，没得救。

很多时候，我们都将自己的错都推给自己的年纪去。因为我们年少，所以无知。因为年轻，所以执著。更因为犯错是年轻人的本钱，所以我们可以在去犯……

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A dedication to a racist blogger who write in chinese!

This post is a dedication to http://utusanmalayu.blogspot.com/.

I wrote these words as a comment to http://utusanmalayu.blogspot.com/2009/08/blog-post_7726.html, please refer!

This is the first time i browse through your blog and i totally disappointed to all your point of views.

First of all, i salute you as a Malay that can read and write in Chinese. I'm so curious when you said you are forced to learn Chinese. Are you forced by your parent? If yes, i sure your parent must have a good reason to ask you do so (I think your parent will be so sad when they see your blog. They still alive? God bless them..). Seems like you also put in some good effort in learning Chinese as well. Although you don't like it, but you still writing it in Chinese (shame to yourself for wasting time doing things you don't like).

About those Chinese bully Malays talk, is totally bull shit! Don't you know that Malay is the majority race of Malaysia? And Malaysia's politic are actually helping Malays through policies like NEP? And those policies is actually "bullying" other races in Malaysia to make it fair to Malays. Chinese totally don't have the power to bully Malays in Malaysia. Please prove that how Chinese have the power to "bully" Malays, don't simply write! If you still thinking that we are "bullying" Malays, then that mean we are "capable" to do that.

If you think Chinese and Indians are outsiders, then you are totally wrong. Of course we are competing with each other among races in Malaysia, but this is something good if the competition is fair for us. Today, we are globalized, doesn't matter we are staying inside Malaysia or outside Malaysia, we still competing to each other. As i said, since we do not have the politic power to "bully" Malays and you still saying Chinese "bullying" Malays, then you mean Malays are a loser in the competition! You are totally a STUPID, if you still believe UMNO can make you a winner since they failed to make you a winner for 50 years...

Another thing, i'm curious about your religion. Are you Muslim, are you sure you believe in you god? You are trying to humiliate all mankind and also your god. you said Indian's god is Pig.. I thought we have so call "Mamak", who is Indian Muslim in Malaysia..

Shame of you as Malaysian! You should out of this country instead of other people! You are humiliating yourself, your parent and also your god when you are humiliating other people..

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Happy New Year 2010

Today is the first day of the year 2010. New year is a mark for the end of 2009 and the starting of 2010. Unfortunately, this is not a holiday for Johor, Malaysia. For me, i feel i'm so lucky for today.. Because i don't have class! Yippee!

Everyone is asking, "how you countdown for this new year?" when i on my msn. This is my answer, "i ate steamboat buffet with my coursemates as the celebration party". Unfortunately, we have to back campus before 12am, so we have to countdown inside campus. Inside UTM, we don't have fireworks, so we played a firework ringtone to and countdown in a basketball court... Funny?

On morning, i browse to Google simply clicking "i'm feeling lucky" and the fireworks animation is out.. wow, that's cool. Thank you Google. Try it out if you are still lucky enough to see the firework from Google..

I also tried to search for new year in Google, i found out a lot of greetings, wishes, celebration video, cards and calendar. Below are 2 things that i feel interesting to share with you all:-

Happy new year greetings:

Hope this New Year brings you, Hopes for a bright future, Affection and Love, Peace for the heart, Prosperity that’s unlimited, Year-round fun. Happy New Year!

Sending you my warmest wishes… For a year filled with good cheer, joy and peace. Wishing you a very Happy and a Prosperous New Year!

May your New Year be blessed with peace, love and joy. Sending you my heartfelt wishes with joy that never ends. Wishing you a very Happy New Year.

Wishing you a New Year filled with joy, peace and prosperity. Happy New Year 2010!

May your world be filled with warmth, joy and good cheer.. Wishing you a Happy New Year 2010!

Wishing you a year filled with joy, peace and happiness. Happy New Year!

May every day of the new year glow with good cheer and happiness for you and your family. Happy New Year!

May each day of the New Year bring happiness, good cheer and sweet surprises to you and all your dear ones. Happy New Year!

Dawning of the New Year.. New Hopes, New Joys, and New Beginnings. Here’s wishing each new day brings for you.. happiness, prosperity and continued success!

“Hi Friend. Happy New Year! We heal our minds whenever we let bad memories go; we heak our souls whenever we pray; and we heal our hearts whenever we forgive. Let’s be more loving this coming New Year!”

“May this NEW YEAR be a song of THANKSGIVING, an offering of PRAISE, a celebration of GOD’S LOVE in HIS Amazing GRACE! A blessed & joyous New Year to you and your family!”

“Wishing you and your family the timeless treasures of Christ…the warmth of home, the love of family and the company of good friends. Have a blessed and a happy New Year!”

“A blessing becomes a blessing when spoken. So I declare that you are blessed with a loving family, good health, faith, favor, promotion and provision. A blessed New Year to you and your family!”

“New day, new blessings. Don’t let yesterday’s failures ruin the beauty of today. Blessings of God are new every morning. Today has its own promise of love, forgiveness, joy and success.Happy New Year!”

“May God continue to bless you and your family with divine light, love and power that will bring much love, joy, peace, inner strength and overflowing abundance in your home.Happy New Year!”

“”For last year’s words belong to last year’s language And next year’s words await another voice. And to make an end is to make a beginning.”

“”Be at war with your vices; at peace with your neighbors, and let every new year find you a better man.”

“This is the last day of the year,
they call it new years eve,
look back at all the memories,
this year you’re going to leave”

“Another fresh new year is here,
Another year to live!
To banish worry, doubt, and fear,
To love and laugh and give!”

“New Year begins, lets pray,
that it wl be a year with new Peace,
New Happiness, and abundance of new friends,
God bless you through out the New Year.”

“Do all the good u can,
By all the means u can,
In all the ways u can,
In all the places u can,
At all the times u can
HapPy New YeaR”

“O my Dear, forget your fear,
Let all your dreams be clear,
Never put tear, please hear,
I want to tell one thing in your ear,
HAPPY NEW YEAR!”

"Happy New Year" in many languages:

Afgani Saale Nao Mubbarak
Afrikaans Gelukkige nuwe jaar
Albanian Gezuar Vitin e Ri
Armenian Snorhavor Nor Tari
Arabic Kul 'am wa antum bikhair
Assyrian Sheta Brikhta
Azeri Yeni Iliniz Mubarek!
Bengali Shuvo Nabo Barsho
Breton [Celtic Brythonic language] Bloavezh Mat
Bulgarian Chestita Nova Godina
Cambodian Soursdey Chhnam Tmei
Catalan FELIÇ ANY NOU
Chinese Xin Nian Kuai Le
Corsican Language Pace e Salute
Croatian Sretna Nova godina!
Cymraeg (Welsh) Blwyddyn Newydd Dda
Czech Šťastný Nový rok (or Stastny Novy rok)
Denish Godt Nytår
Dhivehi Ufaaveri Aa Aharakah Edhen
Dutch GELUKKIG NIEUWJAAR!
Eskimo Kiortame pivdluaritlo
Esperanto Felican Novan Jaron
Estonians Head uut aastat!
Ethiopian: MELKAM ADDIS AMET YIHUNELIWO!
Ethiopian/Eritrean Tigrigna RUHUS HADUSH AMET
Finnish Onnellista Uutta Vuotta
French Bonne Annee
Gaelic Bliadhna mhath ur
Galician [NorthWestern Spain] Bo Nadal e Feliz Aninovo
German Prosit Neujahr
Georgian GILOTSAVT AKHAL TSELS!
Greek Kenourios Chronos
Gujarati Nutan Varshbhinandan
Hawaiian Hauoli Makahiki Hou
Hebrew L'Shannah Tovah
Hindi Naye Varsha Ki Shubhkamanyen
Hong kong (Cantonese) Sun Leen Fai Lok
Hungarian Boldog Új Évet Kivánok
Indonesian Selamat Tahun Baru
Iranian Sal -e- no mobarak
Iraqi Sanah Jadidah
Irish Bliain nua fe mhaise dhuit
Italian: Felice anno nuovo
Japan: Akimashite Omedetto Gozaimasu
Kabyle: Asegwas Amegaz
Kannada: Hosa Varushadha Shubhashayagalu
Kisii: SOMWAKA OMOYIA OMUYA
Khasi Snem Thymmai Basuk Iaphi
Khmer: Sua Sdei tfnam tmei
Korea: Saehae Bock Mani ba deu sei yo!
Kurdish: NEWROZ PIROZBE
Latvian Laimīgo Jauno Gadu!
Lithuanian: Laimingu Naujuju Metu
Laotian: Sabai dee pee mai
Macedonian Srekjna Nova Godina
Madagascar Tratry ny taona
Malay Selamat Tahun Baru
Marathi : Nveen Varshachy Shubhechcha
Malayalam : Puthuvatsara Aashamsakal
Mizo Kum Thar Chibai
Maltese Is-Sena t- Tajba
Nepal Nawa Barsha ko Shuvakamana
Norwegian Godt Nyttår
Oriya Nua Barshara Subhechha
Papua New Guinea Nupela yia i go long yu
Pampango (Philippines) Masaganang Bayung Banua
Pashto Nawai Kall Mo Mubarak Shah
Persian Sal -e- no mobarak
Philippines Manigong Bagong Taon!
Polish: Szczesliwego Nowego Roku
Portuguese Feliz Ano Novo
Punjabi Nave sal di mubarak
Romanian AN NOU FERICIT
Russian S Novim Godom
Samoa Manuia le Tausaga Fou
Serbo-Croatian Sretna nova godina
Sindhi Nayou Saal Mubbarak Hoje
Singhalese Subha Aluth Awrudhak Vewa
Siraiki Nawan Saal Shala Mubarak Theevay
Slovak Stastny Novy rok
Slovenian sreèno novo leto
Somali Iyo Sanad Cusub Oo Fiican!
Spanish Feliz Ano ~Nuevo
Swahili Heri Za Mwaka Mpyaº
Swedish GOTT NYTT ÅR! /Gott nytt år!
Sudanese Warsa Enggal
Tamil Eniya Puthandu Nalvazhthukkal
Tibetian Losar Tashi Delek
Telegu Noothana samvatsara shubhakankshalu
Thai Sawadee Pee Mai
Turkish Yeni Yiliniz Kutlu Olsun
Ukrainian Shchastlyvoho Novoho Roku
Urdu Naya Saal Mubbarak Ho
Uzbek Yangi Yil Bilan
Vietnamese Chuc Mung Tan Nien
Welsh : Blwyddyn Newydd Dda!

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Promises

Recently, I’m reading a book written by Amy Cheung. In a passage, she said something about promise. There is some kind of virtual promise existed in the nature human relationship. This kind of promise is not documented or even never mentioned by anyone.

For friends trust and sincere are the virtual promises that live between them, they will never become friend if they do not trust and being sincere to each other. For family members, the virtual promise existed is some kind of support, family members will support each other during difficult times. For lovers, love and care are the virtual promises, guys will taking care of girls is because of love, not because guys is stronger than girls. The effort to maintain the marriage is the virtual promise that exist between husband and wife.

After reading these, I think these promises existed as the most basic element to maintain a relationship. The promise will be broken when the relationship ends. Promises seem like something really good to everyone. Last but not least, I wish all these good promises stay keeping among us.

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Matrix

还记得有一部叫Matrix的电影吗？这部电影描述着一个虚拟世界。那里，所有能被看见的事情和感觉都是虚拟的。生活在虚拟世界的人，明知道这一切都不是真实的，但却宁愿沉醉其中。是真的还是假的都已不再是重点了！最重要的是这虚拟的一切能够填满大家生活上的空虚。

我想现实的世界也是一样，所有发生在我们眼前的事实未必真实。很多时候，我们都在逃避现实，宁可相信和接受虚假的事。

在现实的世界里，每个人都想要快乐度过每一天。所以，大家都在努力寻找属于自己的喜乐。有些人将所谓的“乐趣”当作是一种喜乐。但是，所谓的“乐趣”是很容易得到的，可以是看部喜剧、让小丑逗笑……但是，这是真正的快乐吗？这种快乐能为此多久？

有人告诉我，他在大学做过许多伟大的事。他曾经为学生福利斗争，成功要求校方统一食物售价，阻止商家以通货膨胀为大肆涨价的借口。斗争成功后，我们到处都看见校方统一售价的布条悬挂在各大食堂，但是新的学期来临时，食物比以前涨价得更厉害，这些布条也不知所踪了。斗争成功了又怎样？成功能维持多久？一个人在这世界的历史中存在多久？成功真的是属于你一个人吗？还是因为大势的趋向，你才会成功呢？

近年，马来西亚人民对民主和自由的意识提高许多了。在走向民主和自由的同时，我们都必须付出代价。人民是否准备付出这些代价了？肚子都填不饱，还能谈民主和自由吗？有一个学长问我，“身为大学生的我们真的愿意为民主和自由付出代价吗？我们能为民主和自由做什么？到街头去示威？万一被开除的话，值得吗？你为国家斗争，给国家带来了希望。你牺牲了，谁还你父母希望？”这一切斗争的意义在哪里了？

成绩很好，又有什么了不起？活动办得很好又怎样？这不表示你是个好学生。试问你自己，是否有做好一个学生的本分？是否有学以致用？是否充分利用自己在学校的时间？漂亮的成绩单和办活动的履历都是一种虚荣。因为你以后都不靠这一些吃饭，也不靠这一些来证明你的能力。漂亮的成绩单是好的，密密麻麻的办活动履历更是了不起，但是我却认为优秀的人格才是最珍贵难得的。

结交朋友是人生一大快事。试问，在众多朋友中，有多少个是真心的？真心的有多真？知己又有多少个？关系又能维持多久？他在你心目中有最高的地位，你在他心目中也同样有这样高的地位吗？这种友好关系是真的这样好，还是做作而已？

天底下，虚假的事情多的是，真实的事情却没有几样。流传在空中的尽是假话，真心话越来越少了。似乎，所有事都是虚假的。

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寻找

这两年，我并没有过着我理想中的大学生活。第一年，试着用各种方式来努力忘记她。结果，让自己拼命参与各种活动， 想让自己过着忙碌的生活来冲淡一切。试着忘记她的同时，也不小心忘了自己的理想和原则。经常在埋怨，讨厌别人不守时，讨厌华人的陋俗，不喜欢大家为做而做，没有创新，没有新意。第二年，延续第一年的忙碌在活动中奔波，不晓得自己是为什么而做。想要突破瓶颈，想要改变，结果换来的是改变了自己。是为理想吗？怎么又会舍得让自己抛开那执着多年的原则？早就想要放弃了，为什么不舍得放手？终于累了……

每当要放手的时候，都有不同的诱惑。 你不搞活动，就来跟我们一起搞直销吧！直销“钱”途无可限量，这里的人有同样的理想，你需要这么多跟你一起吃喝玩乐的朋友来干嘛？即将踏入社会，未来和“钱”途是不得不考虑的问题。他们对我说希望和梦想是可以用钱来买到的，没钱就不要梦想了。我不相信钱能买到理想！我相信天底下没有白费的午餐，我更相信可以用钱买来的理想是分文不值的，只有付出时间、精神、努力和坚持所换来的理想才是有价值的，所以我依然坚持要让自己在Computer Science里闯出属于自己的天空。

不能再依赖她的日子里，自己也逐渐变得冷漠了，真情也不再流露出来。原来，她也带走了我面对全世界的勇气，失去了真心对待朋友的勇气，觉得其他人跟她没两样，还是不要太投入比较好。陪伴我的只有一把口琴，空闲时就拿出来吹，心情是开心或不开心都无法用韵律来掩盖。面对虚假的人， 我的笑脸也自然虚假，现实的人生就好像圣经所说的那样虚空。有时候，是要交朋友还是要应酬朋友，我也搞不清楚了。 有人说，我需要爱情来滋润人生，我却因为种种因素不想要在大学里交女朋友，我坚持要让自己在这些日子里更清楚看见真爱情。我相信，如果真的能在一起一辈子，三年又算得了什么呢？如果注定不能在一起，又何苦要逼自己去坚持这三年呢？

辉煌的过去和潦倒的现在都不再重要，未来的去向才是我活着的原因。我为什么而活？难道我就没有未来了？迷茫的生活让我更加清楚自己要往哪里走下去。未来的路会让我走多远，无法预测。过去的好和坏，不再重要，不值得我遗憾，也不值得我伤心。一直以来，我总是相信自己多过相信上帝。但这一次，我开始怀疑自己的判断了。这三个月里，我看见的上帝的奇妙作为，实在是难以置信，但是这一切就是发生了。我想尝试将这一切都交给上帝决定我的未来，但又有人对我说这是最愚蠢的做法了，简直就是在逃避现实。要如何面对才好呢？我不知道，我还在寻找……

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Seek… What if…

This is the welcoming activity theme for Inter-Varsity Christian Centre UTM (the church I joined in UTM). I can’t remember the theme meaning as the long definition that defined by the committee. But, I have my own interpretation here. Hope it’s not much different from the original interpretation from committee.

“Seek” is the common action that most of us doing in university life. Seeking for knowledge, friends, career path, love, money… What I understand about the word “seek” is quite direct and simple, but the phrase “what if” left a lot of imagination to me.

For me, I have 2 situations that I’ll feel uncertain if I face either of these situations. First situation is when I found everything that I’m seeking. The second situation is when I lost everything I have. The first situation is not applicable to me, but the second situation is quite relevant to my situation now.

I’m from non-Christian family and converted to a Christian in the Christmas baptism of year 2006 in Madras Lane Chinese Methodist Church. My ex-girlfriend is the one who brought me to Christ. Eventually, we broke up the 2 years realationship in one month time after I baptized. This will be a biggest lie from me if I tell you that the broke up doesn’t affect my faith.

Once I taught that she was my angel in my life, but she become a devil come into my nightmare at the end. Now, she became a totally stranger to me. I tried hard to forget about her, I let myself to become busy to forget about her, I even seldom back to places visited by us before, just to forget about her. Now, she became nothing to me, no longer affecting my emotion. But, I have price to pay for this 2 years period.

I denied some precious moment with friends when making myself busy. My best friend advice me that I have to manage relationship well, everyone need somebody to support them from behind when doing things. Besides that, I also lost my faith to God while I denying the opportunities to serve in church. In most of the cell group activity, we shared our thanksgiving to God within the week. Sometimes, I feel that I have nothing to say for thanksgiving… This is a symptom for a Christian to end up in hell.

After baptized, I’m not a holy Christian, also not faithful, not humble, and a sinful Christian. Generally, I found myself have no different from non-Christian. Sometimes, I even become unsure when my friends tell me that people will not die because of no religion. But, what is the purpose you live if you believe in nothing? I think this is some kind of curse to me within the period.

Undergo life without direction in 2 years time, I found that I have not much improvement, I even lost my self confidence. Now, I changed my lifestyle to become more passive. Especially in this 2 months time, I become more cool to friends and taking a passive role in anything. I’m lost between my principle and friends, not sure that I should lose my friend or my principle, feeling hard to keep it both. In short, I’m lost in my life…

I’m still seeking for the purpose of my life that I lost just before I enter university. I think I have a model life for youth before I enter university. Working part time in a pharmacy, joined a non-governmental organization, served in church as Sunday school teacher, consulting a club in my secondary school, good relationship with school mates, also have a lovely girlfriend. I think I have my purpose of life during that time… But now, all this disappear from me.

What am I now? I not sure that the role that I should play now… On coming weekend, is IVCC welcoming camp. This will be the very first time for me to participate my church’s welcoming camp. Hope to found what I’m seeking there…

Written on 12 July 2009

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